Sex as a topic is shrouded in taboos, mystery and stigma — none so more than the female orgasm. So, we are here to debunk, demystify and decode some of the information surrounding such.

What is an orgasm? 

Many of the key issues in current discussions is that there is perceived to be a ‘normal’ orgasm — with what it is meant to look, feel and sound like often dictated by pornography, which of course is not real life. However, in reality there is no strict meaning of ‘orgasm’, being defined as the sudden release of sexual tension. This highlights how this can be completely different between different people, but also between different contexts for the same person. So, instead of thinking that your own orgasm isn’t ‘real’ as it differs from that in porn, it is important to understand that your orgasm is unique to you.  

The Orgasm Gap 

Multiple studies have highlighted how women report having less orgasms than men during heterosexual sexual activity — being termed, the ”orgasm gap”. This has been attributed to a range of different societal factors, but the facts are clear: heterosexual women orgasm less than heterosexual men, as well as less than lesbian or bisexual women. This isn’t a case for blaming men for these differences, but it is important to interrogate the societal factors influencing such, so that we can address this issue.

There are many different ways for women to have an orgasm [with some researchers believing there are as many as 12 types of female orgasm] — including from clitoris, vaginal and breast stimulation. Yet, the focus is all too often on being able to experience an orgasm from vaginal stimulation, despite roughly 75% of women never reaching an orgasm from penetrative intercourse alone. This is often attributed to the fact that intercourse is the primary way in which most men are able to achieve an orgasm, and so is the assumed default for women to do the same.

This lack of experience of female orgasm during penetrative sex (which is seen as the standard) contributes to a lack of expectation to orgasm from women during sexual encounters. A Rutgers-led study found that when women tend to orgasm less than men, this reduces the degree to which they place an emphasis on orgasming as a want during intercourse. Such repeats in a cycle whereby women increasingly deprioritise orgasming during sexual encounters with men. However, we can work towards disrupting these standards, closing the gap, and making female sexual pleasure a priority.

How we can work to close the orgasm gap: 

1. Female masturbation is still stigmatised with many women never having tried to masturbate, despite progress in recent years. However, understanding your own body, learning what works for you and doesn’t, is a great way to achieve an orgasm.
2. Communication — once you figure out what you like, don’t be afraid to tell others. This has been difficult for women in the past, with those who speak about sexual pleasure all too often labelled as ‘sluts’ — but it is time to counter this narrative and speak more openly about sexual pleasure. 
3. Education — there is a vast lack of understanding of the female anatomy from both men and women. A study by YouGov found that 59% of men and 45% of women couldn’t label the vagina; with these stats being even higher for other parts of the female anatomy such as the urethra & labia. Promoting a better understanding of your own and your partner’s anatomy is great not just for sexual pleasure, but for health and wellness.

Jessica Hobbis