Sh! The secret is out! Using lube is a-ok. In fact, everything is better with lube! It’s totally normal to experience dryness from time to time. In previous times there was an expectation that if you’re turned on you’ll have no trouble getting wet. Thank goodness those days are behind us!

Being drier some days used to be seen as the female version of erectile dysfunction, as though there is something wrong with you, or that you’re not attracted to your partner enough. Thats simply not true: It’s not necessarily a reflection of your level of desire.

Here are some reasons that some days you feel drier than others, even though you are totally turned on:

• You’re a little dehydrated
• You’re on a medication that dries the mucous membranes as a side effect
• You have a cold or minor infection
• You’re just before or after your period
• You need a little more foreplay before penetration
• You are pregnant
• You’re on a hormonal contraception
• You’re experiencing stress and anxiety in daily life
• You’re peri-menopausal or menopausal
• You’re using a soap or perfume you’re using is causing dryness (you shouldn’t be washing your inner labia or vagina with soap, or using any perfume down there, just water – soap is fine on your outer labia – the bit with your pubic hair!)

Why sex can be better with lube:

• It enhances and prolongs pleasure – it doesn’t just ‘fix’ a ‘problem’
• Can make it easier to reach orgasm
• Can make sex last longer
• Makes for easier penetration
• Reduces micro-tears and abrasions in the vaginal tissues, thereby reducing the number of opportunistic infections by organisms such as Candida spp and Gardnerella (also STIs)
• Can reduce painful penetration

Its a very simple and effective way to immediately improve sex, but its gotta be a good quality lube with good quality ingredients and properties, that suitable for your needs.

What to look for in a lube

Using a lube should be a good experience, and these days there are so many to choose from you don’t need to put up with anything sticky, irritating, or that doesn’t respect your microbiome, so when buying a lube you should ask yourself several questions so you can find the best one for you.

What are the ingredients and do they have any business being on your bits?

Many women know if they have any vaginal sensitivities or irritation, but some women only realise when they have a reaction to a product. To look out for the health of your vaginal microbiome look for lubes that avoid glycerine, propylene glycol, and parabens, or those that promise warming, flavour or tingling etc. Instead look for a lube that promises to be pH balanced to intimate pH of between 3.8 – 4.5, and has an osmolarity of less than 380mOsm/kg – meaning that it will not dry out vaginal tissues.

Check here for a full list of those ingredients you want to avoid in your lube.

Is natural important to you?

Vaginal mucosa is some of the most absorbent tissue of the body – meaning that a high percentage of what goes on it, gets into the bloodstream. You should be totally fine with whatever lube you use to get into your mouth too!  With this in mind, are natural, non-toxic ingredients important to you? Check the full ingredients list. Some products call themselves natural, and do have some natural ingredients in, but not their full list.  Know what your putting in your body!

Do you use any barrier method contraception?

In this case you should be using a water or silicon based lube.

Are you using a toy?

Then make sure you use a water based, not a silicone based lube, as silicone based ones could depredate the surface of a toy, especially if its made from silicone – if in doubt, go water.

Here’s a handy list of the main different types of lube out there:

Water

Good for use in virtually all situations, water based lubricants are safe for use even with condoms and toys and generally won’t stain the sheets…

Oil

Very long lasting, great for low reapplication rate, an oil based lube can be great for massage too – just not for condom use!  it can also play havoc with the vaginal pH.

Silicone

Also long lasting and often hypoallergenic, this can be more suitable for water based play and anal sex. Definitely not suitable for use with toys!

Hybrid

These lubes are water based with a small amount of silicone, making a creamy texture, which combines the best aspects of both types, long lasting lubrication and versatility. Some maybe suitable for use with toys but always to a patch test first!!!

And remember, there’s no such thing as too much (of the right) lube, so use liberally, as much as you need, and enjoy yourself.

Vaginal health herbalist, Kathie Bishop MNIMH is the founder of Into the Wylde, an award winning natural intimate lubricant brand that is registered with the Vegan Society and The Soil Association. She also runs the clinic The Wylde Herbalist, where she helps women transform their vaginal health.  She is the author of It’s Your Power Portal: Take Control of Your Vaginal Health with Herbal and Holistic Care, published by Aeon in April 2022, and is the recipient of the Innovation in Practice Award from The National Institute of Medical Herbalists in 2021. She truly believes that the world needs more feminine power, creativity, leadership, and it is her hope that through healing our, and society’s, relationship with the vagina, whose name is so often dared not spoken, we can have a greater impact for good in the work we create, do and embody.